April 10, 2021

E109 - Akello Stone: Author, Podcaster, Sociologist

Meet Akello Stone and go deeper! He is an author, a podcaster, an actor, and host with a ton of heart. Hear about why he became a sociology professor, his thoughts on yoga and meditation, his appearances in documentaries,

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Meet Akello Stone and go deeper! He is an author, a podcaster, an actor, and host with a ton of heart. Hear about why he became a sociology professor, his thoughts on yoga and meditation, his appearances in documentaries, and his refreshing and unique perspective on masculinity. This youth mentor wrote the book Seeking Selfdom in an Age of Selfies and just published the companion podcast Seeking Selfdom – Going Deeper to explain the book’s intricacies. We talk with him about many topics including tattoos and how they fit into our society, relationships and being solo-minded versus couple-minded, and the perceptions of hair and how it can define a man. We really hope you enjoy this interview and continue the conversation by subscribing to Akello’s podcast. He has a lot of thoughtful and inspiring points of view, and we hope you take part!

Find Akello’s projects at http://linktr.ee/akello and http://sociologyonline.weebly.com/
Mentions: Masculinity film @maskyoulivein and race, gender yoga @blackboysom

Song credits: Mouse and Weens theme music and outro “Peeballoo” by Julianne Eggold

Voice actor: Matt Thompson

Promo: Planthropology https://www.planthropologypod.com/

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A transcript of this episode is on http://www.mouseandweens.com. Video podcast version on http://bit.ly/youtubeMW

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Akello Stone: Author, Podcaster, Sociologist

00:00:05 - 00:05:01

Hello everybody! Wieners and Mouse! I'm Joelle. I'm the mom one down in San Diego. I'm Weens and I'm sick of describing myself. Why don't you do it? Oh my god. My little sister here is from Hollywood, originally from northern California. Oh Hollywood! She's single in the film industry and a wonderful person who meets really cool other people such as such our friend that we are going to interview today... her friend. Tell us how you met? His name is Akello Stone and I met him through Ahmed, our dear lovely friend that we've had on the podcast a few times and Akello and he have known each other for a while. And Ahmed put us together and said, "I have another friend in LA. He's a cool dude. You're a cool chick. I want you guys to be friends." He likes gardening too. He did a bunch of volunteer work with him and that was kind of their first connection. Yeah so... And he is a great guy and we wanted to bring him on because he's a really fascinating person. Yeah. So if you Google his name - Akello Stone - you'll see what he does which is also an actor in LA. He is a teacher, he's a yoga instructor, he does comedy... all sorts of things. What I liked about him and why we brought him to the table to interview was he's just a jack of all trades. But he's different in that he's not your typical guy and so we talk about that. Why did you want to make him a guest?

Because I think that he has... He's a sociology professor as well as an actor as well as puppeteer and all these other things and is aspiring to be a host. So in a lot of his sociology videos for his students and things he uses his hosting skills and he gets hired as a host here and there. He is just.... he has a really cool perspective on life being a man and having a sociological, open perspective being an artist. And it's interesting to see. You'll hear how he's kind of a jack of all trades and a varied human being.

So we're going to talk about how he is a teacher. We'll talk about his tattoos. We talk about yoga and how he's super into that. We go into toxic masculinity and we do talk about his book which is called seeking selfies in an age of software them. So go ahead and look that up. We ask him about his relationship and then we do talk about his hair. Which is kind of fun and a little bit about my favorite thing. Caveman theories so Enjoy this this interview. We hope you like it here. We go with keller stone leading young adults into fulfilling their goals. But then i'll they look up to you as a model cool person to try to be like a different different approach. I would say that. Probably forty percent of maha work is actually cultivating life skills It's not just about the work in the content. I mean that's kind of when i was in school. It was just about the content right. But it's very different now. There's an annual teaching at community. Colleges gives me the opportunity to help some help students who want to expand their mind and their thinking and build confidence and there's a lot of personal problems that i help students through death of people in their family just on and on so it's so much more than just the content luckily because it's sociology. I can weave in these life lessons into the curriculum as opposed to something that's meaningless in their life. You know applicability of anything that you learn in gain to me is critical. Pedagogy is different than andrew. Go g pedagogy when you educate children. You don't feel chuck children. They know they've never tied their shoes before. There's all these things they've never done but when you have people who have reached adulthood who are being educated. You've gotta help them pull from their past experiences and their president experiences in combine that with what they're actually learning so it's meaningful otherwise what am i doing. Remember this take a test you get the grade and then you move on. I want i want there to be some lasting. Most teachers do.

00:05:01 - 00:10:01

Because i'm taking school. I'm taking schools to keep taking a cue leave. Keep coming back Yeah but that's what a lot of teachers are still doing it. I really you know teachers i. I happen to have a couple of friends who are teachers who are very cool people who actually care what they're doing but that's it's few and far between most of it is still content. And i looked up your rate. I hate to give this clue away. Rate my pers- professor of short. You got two hundred and everybody loves this guy. That's a big deal. I have never seen one hundred percent for the tattoos. I think it's the tat's regatta. Let me tell you on this though. That was intention was never to be a professor. I was actually living in san francisco. And i worked for wells fargo in the in the internet services group and i was like a recruiter in university relations manager so i would fly to different schools in do interview schedules and go to career fairs and different things like that. And even the top Some of the top schools students were not prepared to be able to present themselves to a recruiter. And in fact. I i remember. I was doing a interview schedule. You have like ten interviews half an hour. Each right in front of one another at usc at the you know nba candidates right and one guy walked in and said you're probably not gonna hire me and that's how he started and in my mind i was like dude. No you just started like that. And i said you know what the corporate thing. I was like a new. The trajectory was. I was like i think i need to help these students in some way so i would think i would teach in higher ed. I would like so i moved to southern california and i was a grant writer. I started actually running a ged program at a community college than i started picking up classes at various schools. Add as many as six classes at three different schools. So that's when i was younger and more vital could handle them so i went into higher. Ed because i want to help there's some deficiency that was happening right like they're not getting what they needed. But that's how i ended up in and it was always supposed to be my part time job and it still is by part time job but So yeah i have a different philosophy on what i'm doing there in the classroom. So that was the first part where he talks about. being teacher. thought that was so cool. Inspiring people need that. We need direction with these men. These boys all right so now we are going to go into tattoos. This has been a theme on our podcast. So let's hear about this food kelo as some people can't see but so you know he's got amazing tattoos. You got full sleeve rate on one arm all the way up to your shoulder couple things looking both for that is this is my favorite one here shirts coming off a very coming up. That's gorgeous reminds of maui cases tattoo. That's in the The same global region and it was done by a king offer. Who is a you know. Just incredible tattoo artist is it polynesian like it's just as and yet the thing about it is to me in my mind. Viz was drawn to it visually and the artists that i go to you. Don't tell them what you want. They get to know you and they create. This is like things that are related to me as you know so. It's years and years of you know Working with with the artist people think i've got some tattoos. You just go in and get this. I'm going to get this dragon on my leg. And that kind of thing. But as i got older i wanted to have a greater ignore expansive experience of the tattoos and i know that julianne had mentioned something about your son of age. Fifteen one is to tell me about that. Well this in our past episode in. I he went through phase and i have to say he's kind of not brought it up in a really long time now so i think he might be over it which speaks to his age. He's only fifteen but he was. He's really into hip hop music and starting to idolize some of these dudes and some had faced season so he started asking a lot about tattoos and face tattoos and as a mom. I'm only god you're gonna regret this. Don't do you know. And and then.

00:10:01 - 00:15:06

I also did have a few judgments like well. You know what. It's really hard to get a job in the corporate world if you have like full sleeves and so people might make assumptions about you. If you've got tattoos absolute think about blah blah blah and. Yeah and then jillian need to lighten up on this maybe rethink it. And why do you feel this way. So she started asking the same thing be. I'm always curious about people who are super pro to have an. What made you get them. Why would you think about them. Has it ever been a problem. So you tell me all of the above all and you've been in the corporate world in the art world because i'm more used to the art world show. I'm like yeah everybody has to think about. It doesn't really affect a corporate life. Well when i think about it my first tattoo. When i was in grad school and it was really small. I wanted to see does. Could i stand the pain. That was my first thing you know. So i got something small. What is it feel like because that is that's an important part of it is not like this looks cool but it's can you. What are you gonna do when you're sitting there. And it feels like a hot nails being dragged through your skin over and over like ours ours ours because the longest i've ever gone was five hours and then at five hours i was like i can't i can't do anymore. I'm like you gotta stop in the tattoo artist. Okay let me just finish pieces like no. You have to stop right now so i reached this point where i wanna hit somebody because it hurts so bad this interesting biochemical process so what i did then as i started to get tattoos slowly. I made so that they were covered. I wear short sleeves. Maybe started on my shoulder right in chess. I could wear short sleeves. And then i got a little bit more confident with where i was in life in got you know i. I was tired of you know conforming to some degree so they just went lower and lower so i was out of the corporate world by that time but i also in academia in academia is very conservative and. I didn't realize that i had this idea. Everyone's progressive if you're in sociology. Because almost like. I see my life in a way as a sociological experiment. Right so i love the art of tattoos I love the integration of culture. I like being able to Make make those decisions about my own skin and my own body But i also know there are repercussions also know that people judge me and i've known people i mean i've worked with people like i had a supervisor worked for many years in just out of the blue. I was actually running a program like a reading literacy program for kids right and she had put me in the office and said i need to cover my tattoos because it's a bad influence i said. Are you kidding me. I mean i got up and walked out of the office. i just couldn't believe that And then you know. I you know known as a is that guy with tattoos comey like it became and i forget that i have for really forget about them you know. Of course i can still. I don't have anything on my neck. I can roll my sleeves. Down and people would never know absentia. So i always i always for anyone like the biggest advice i would say is. Don't do your neck. Don't do your face apps absolutely not. I don't like a lot of things happening on people's faces because it's such a strong vehicle of right i also thought about too. Is you know everyone can make their own choices. But i if you had. Let's say decide to get a tattoo on your nekia face. And then you're going to deliver a eulogy. And i was like that is just. There is a little conservativism in that way. But it's not conservativism. Okay to live in a society. That's a rigid like that. I'm saying that that's how it is just like you were saying. Basically it is people are going to judge you for that. And there's there's nothing you can really do about that. You know our society as progressive as little pockets of our. I think the general thing is it says something about you. Maybe people question your choices your education. Why why would he do that. I don't. I don't want my kid around him. Yeah which is that. Stigma is still there in twenty twenty that stigma to versus polynesia people. Probably it's like a sign of power respect in a whole different thing maybe star bellies kind such a great example. You know it's not true. You know i. I would never recommend anybody get any tattoos of prior to age twenty great.

00:15:06 - 00:20:03

Yeah i would thirty. I really found. I knew myself at thirty. Am i'm the mom. But i mean you're you're you're not doing it out of this. I want to control your. You're doing out of like this world out. Here is very challenging to navigate to have your feet firmly planted before you make certain individual collected decisions and you have to know what the repercussions of those decisions are exactly. That's it was nice to have those trail blazers who say i'm gonna do that. And i'm going to be the advocate to fight out against the judgment again but then you're making a big choice to be that that's going to be. Your ashley was on In documentary about tattooed professors really that when there's like a kindergarten teacher in england that's like fully tattoo like face head everything that's pretty wild to me. I'm like wow. That's bold really bold really bold. that's neat. What is the name of the documentary. I'd love to see that it's called akkad. Them inc look for that will link it in our show. I have a website that i curate content for my classes. sociology students. And there's probably about three or four videos that i'm actually in because there was another one another tattoo series where i talked about the dealing with the pain of tattoos but is your website for people. Yes that website is sociology online. Da w. e. y. dot com. So i use it for my students by also curate content on there so i don't lose it in the shelf right. There's so much content to deal with. Wow this is in lightning. Would you think. I like the reference to the star belly niches. I think that was my fear that we shouldn't judge people based on adornments and i'm getting better at except for one which by the way in our other guests when we talked about that it was not talking about fifteen year olds getting neck and face tattoos. I was talking about just general. You've lake be open minded about if that were thing anyway right so i get it. We're on the same page. I'm i'm there. Although i still wish he would wait till he's we are going to take a quick break and hear from her sponsor we sponsored by dream dinners dream dinners is a wonderful food. Preparation service that is offering our listeners. Ninety nine dollars off their first order if you enter mouse and wins ninety nine at checkout and let me tell you what that includes. This is a month's worth of meals you guys. That is already chopped up prepped. It's separated for you. It comes in a bag with instructions and it goes in your freezer so you can take it out and thought anytime that it's convenient for you and cook up a quick dinner twenty thirty minutes. It is such a game changer. For us we cook dinners together as a family. We sit down and eat meals as a family and it's healthy food. It's great quality food and you can modify according to your likes and dislikes. You can give them special instructions. It's perfect for people who don't know how to cook. It's so simple. I leave instructions out for the kids or my husband. Sometimes they have looked into it and you save twenty hours a month from shopping and prepping and really the cost of meals is about six fifty per meal which is so cheap when you think about it so much cheaper than a lot of the other services so do you go to dream dinners dot com. Look up your location. If you're within. Twenty five. Miles of powei or san marcus locations. Just enter mousa weans ninety nine. You'll get ninety nine dollars off your first full order and you'll receive free shipping free shipping free delivery. They don't ship they'd bring it to you or you can go pick it up yourself but it's so easy you guys do. It is such a life. changer. Enjoy all right. Now we are gonna talk about yoga and a close relationship with yoga. How he's super into it and he tells us in the end to that he's going to do a guided meditation so keep that in mind as he's talking i'm it'll be a future project but It goes right into also toxic masculinity and men yoga. That's why i love this. I think it was so interesting And people's perception of it and all that so all right here we go now. You were doing. Yoga is was buddhism mixed with your gomez said. Yoda was that show. It's how i got into yoga. I took a college class on yoga like years ago to fulfill that physical education requirement.

00:20:03 - 00:25:06

But it was like one semester. And i you know that was twenty years later or whatever i Started going to an acupuncture clinic for ethicon alighted in my elbow tennis elbow right. I i have that. Is that the official word. Guess on lightest nine nine sessions and it was cured and woman that her name is kali and she was also yoga instructor and acupuncturist. Right the list. But i was like oh you are so ships at such a great person their personality her presence. I was like do you have any. You should put some videos out there. Anything stupid working on helping her. Create videos on instructional. Yoga didn't take yoga and then fast forward is a yoga studio opened up. Where when i used to work in hollywood and vine she had a class there. And i was like i'm gonna jump into a level two vin jasa low class three days a week. You know i've done a little Big rahman couple things here and there. But i never did. It committed practice and i was into it so much actually went to bali for a week long yoga retreat where we did yoga twice a day. I was into it. Had some back problems and have had to kind of take a step back but the fact that you mentioned kind of the connection between buddhism in yoga there is a connection there there there i find those connections and and I guess for yoga for me with yoga. The incredible discovery i found was i was really not in tune with where my body was physical space. You know talking about in clumsy. I didn't know where my hips were. Just certain things and it allowed me to really get into my body like i'd never had before so You know. I'd say in the past. I hope to get back into your. Because i definitely do miss it. That's good. I'm glad you know it's a little more accepted. Maybe in southern california. I see a lot more men classes here unfortunately. Not what joe. Yeah i was gonna say there was a huge thing couple years ago up in the school system where they were having the kids to yoga as you know stretching kind of a meditative and you know just to calm people down different than with the body absolutely but then are the parents started pushing back saying it was religious and so they had a big measure to take it out of the school system so then it became a big fight. I think they can still do it. I think they won the yogis of the world. But yeah isn't that crazy. I see nothing wrong with it. I think it's all just late. And i can't believe in it. I haven't actually done a couple of workshops with a couple use irving organizations. Yeah some yoga workshops with some fifth graders you know in. They loved it. They you know it's it's a shit for a lot of people right because they've there's always been this like for me when i grew up there was like pbs. Remember pbs a yoga show and the woman you know just could do all those advanced poses t per show. I think it's like on reruns. The blue seat and the big long down the side. That was like yoga stigma. But i i know jillian had mentioned the there were many times where i was like the only man in the class. Maybe there was another one. Even for the bali retreat. I think there were fifteen people. I was the guy the plow hide with it. But it's almost kind of like it's a different experience isn't it. Because here's the other thing that i want to mention before we get off that topic that kind of really in the realm of toxic masculinity. There's still there's a lot of men and there's a lot of kind of rhetoric out there that sexualizes yoga. And i really as someone who is a practitioner for years. I i find that problematic as adults. We learned to repress so many things. And i don't think we know what to repress on what to conform on like me personally and i can't validate this with with data and facts but just kind of in my heart. I know that for many young men. I can be the role i can show them the inexpensive way of being a man and i think i ve always had away with Helping helping young men see that there are different ways to express masculinity that are not toxic that are not oppressive. There's ways in which we use language in how we communicate with one another as men but also with women in what we you know what is offensive. And what's problematic pointing that out along the way and then role modeling that behavior like being in the yoga class and being in certain environments were.

00:25:06 - 00:30:00

Maybe more men would feel comfortable. Because i've broken you know came. What is it called like when you first trailblazer. Whatever in a way. That's the kind of the way that i see in a actually in the excited i'm teaching new class for the first time called gender and society. Because i wanted to teach a class on. Masculinity is i wanted to say what can i do on this micro level to really deal with this problem because what i've always seen is men that talk about toxic masculinity and have a book and things like that out about it right a used to aspects of toxic masculinity to rise up in their career. So yes i'll be honest with you. I probably could have gone a been a lot. Further a lot richer a lot more successful had i played along and subscribe to like the old boys network. But i just don't and i can't and i realized that there are You know i could. I'd probably miss out on a lot of things but it's my values are more important than any of that. Yeah i think that is so important for being the mom of young boys to you to have these these role models that can show this softer side and more emotional side and be in touch with their feelings and use language like that yet. Balance it with being a man stereotypical men with different aspects of them. And i wish we had more like that. In fact in my daughter we kind of got to choose between two teachers at her school for this virtual learning one. Is this big loud. Know football coach kinda guy who everybody loves. I mean he's just salt of the earth. Make you feel so great grand and give you confidence. But then there's this other teacher who plays guitar and gets emotional hikes and meditates and you know and i'm like you know what she has enough big burly dude's in her life that harare now so we we went with this sweeter quieter teacher and i love it. I love that balance for her and schiff also. I love that you're out there as an example. That's very there's documentary to a woman. She i think she's married to gavin newsom. Am i saying this wrong bit. She has a documentary about our link. That russian it's too but then we'll go to your pages well because i'm sure you've got stuff on that so next we are going well first of all i just want to say. I think it's cool that he's doing The women in gender and society class. I think that's great. Yeah this is something he's passionate about and we need more men like this guys. If you're listening get into it okay. Exactly next is yes woman. No girl there. She is okay. We talk about his book next. So here we go. I was going to jump in. And if you have something else to say just remember but you have a book this. This person we're speaking with does have a book using its call. Yes seeking seldom in the age of self. What is it about love it. So what does that mean. What is your what is it. A how about henry thing. I love it by the way you could. Just turn to a page and it will. It seems to speak to you because they're so it's so dense and rich and well done. Can i just read from the back. Because otherwise go on and on but Hold on oh here we go welcome to fifty right. I just took off my reading glasses. 'cause i'm not on camera but yeah so this actually. I actually took a selfie for the book. And you'll see the hair thing is interesting. we'll get there but it says We live in a time of great irony. We take countless photos photos of ourselves post them to social media for others to view and yet we don't really see ourselves while many people seek power material gain in that elusive thing called happiness countless others. Seek something more. Both deeper relationship with themselves and a greater understanding of themselves seldom is the consummate curator of are multifaceted identity. The custodian of our grand purpose in the champion of her limit. Lissome cultivating this important relationship. Offers us new ways of looking at our lives and life itself through multiple lenses that challenge our intellect strengthen our interpersonal connections and invigorate. Our soul. The ids year in this book can be profound catalyst for personal growth and transformation predicated on your own terms executed in your own way in accomplished in your own time.

00:30:01 - 00:35:09

That's awesome. That's all that that connects with your students in a big way right in these younger folks in the age of selfies does listen. There's there's really this kind of one chapter on that. You know i'll be honest with like i w- that's the selfies ideas the draw to like get people to wanna read. This is so much more than just. I think people may think it's like an evaluation. Oh sell fees. And i do like a little bit of that but it's just for for what one one of my friends called it. My manifesto eat it to rate that. That's interesting combination of things. I've been writing. You know. I've been kind of writing pieces of for like four years before i kind of really put it together. The idea was by the time. I turned fifty. I wanted to publish a book. Because i felt there was a lot of self-help books. Those kind of things that were preying on people that were giving people things in telling them to do it this way. And then you know. Spend money and go to this. Go to do that in even been to some of those things and they give you the workbook and like this is not how i operate you know. I don't like recipes. I like to just dollars. You go to the next level. That's right it's just your here amid schemes and so it's like you know what i want to put down what my thoughts are in a way that That integrates all the different aspects of who. I am not just you know. It's not just scientific or spiritual but you know it's kind of everything it's kind of an open conversation if you will So that's kind of why. I wrote the book. I didn't really want to tour and do all that right. I've actually given away about two hundred copies. And i think i've probably being sold fifteen and i'm gave me one and compete and i'm completely fine with it because i wanted people to get a sense of who little bit more about who i am. I would say i've been more of. I've been more of a private person and not really expressive of like things. Deep down inside as i feel like i don't want you know i don't know it's a private thing and so for me to like put it all out there you know like even talking about there's some people who who do not know that i. I am agnostic for example right like on a reading that they might change their view of me. I talk about my suicide attempt. When i was fifteen in the book so never wrote about that before So in addition to that Book and then jump parachuting at fifty that that was finally accomplished. So i feel great. I love it. I love that concept so good for you. We'll link your back in our show notes as well for everybody but yeah show you some love with that. That's great okay. That was his book seeking self fees in an age of software. I want to get a copy of this. Actually in give it away. Let's do our listeners. So follow us on social media and look for this book giveaway. We'll figure it out. And i for now. Let's move into when we ask him. When i- embarrassingly ask him about relationship status. I have to do it as usual. Here we go. can i it and ask you kelo. Tell me if this is too personal but why are you still single. Are you happy being single. Are you looking for love. Or what is your love life situation. Am i being super nosy. Sorry always ask that. She's going to what do they call them. Matchmaker in yiddish. Does this often you well. Outside of the fact that we're in a global pandemic in. It's probably a good time to relationships. I've had them in the past. And here's a simple equation. And then i do. Wanna i wanna talk about my hair at some point because it's this is different role that rain. Yeah but but this is what i again. I have conversations with people who are having problems with relationships. Orne being single is not being a problem but being single and let cyst removed the idea that people who are single can date. They can have companionship. They can have really good sex. But i am i call myself an. It person and there are other people who are we people that we they want that connection with someone and they want to move through the world with another person in this joint cooperative and if you have to weep people that get together.

00:35:10 - 00:40:02

that's great. You know that's who that's oriented like that they're cult members. They just want to be pretty good. Though it is absolutely and then there's the people like me who you know moved out when i was eighteen and lived in different states and cities and plop down in places all by myself because that to me is living and doesn't mean that i if i ever met the right person you know i wouldn't i would be open to that right but i also know that. Is the people say the older you get you get stuck in your ways. I don't think like that. I think the older you get. You really understand who you are. you know. have an eighty two year old. And who's been my pen pal for like twenty six years after my mother passed away and she had nine children and then her husband passed away seven years ago. She lives alone in every letter. She writes me. she's lonely. She hates being alone. And my my thing is. I'm on the opposite spectrum. Is i love being alone. I love know to hang out with people. Whatever but i could be alone for three days and not talk to anybody in be completely fine with it. So that's just kind of my nature. That makeup of who i am if i was in a relationship i don. I don't even think i would want to live together. I think it would be like maybe two or three days. We would spend in the rest of our own. Does that make sense. You could be like. I'm routine the crown right now. Princess di and charles. They had separate bedrooms separate wings pads they come together for pictures and kids kid making begin. It doesn't mean. I don't love people and you know all that but i don't have that attachment of knee and i think a lot of it probably stems from my experience in life Coming up Seeing seeing really no role models for people who are happy and relationships in most people that were married ended up getting divorced and my father was married five times. And i'm like wow people. I think people get married because they have the fear of dying alone. Maybe but i am a friend and she you know she's all agreed to euthanize me. If need be like she. I've got an interesting thing. But when i think of relationships i do really think of of people not wanting to die alone. That's part of the human experience. I'm sure yeah. Nobody wants to be the person who's discovered in their house. You know months later. Well the other thing. Let's be honest is there are some people you only have like a physical connection with. The sex is really good. But there's really nothing else that kind of you connect on. It's weird 'cause especially if you have you know different aspects of who you are as a person you're not gonna get all those met with one person. I think i mean other people you know. Maybe they changed their maybe. I have huge expectations. And that's i need to have multiple people in different tiers to be able to fulfil those things whereas some people want to Be wisdom it. Okay he is single ready to mingle necessarily. Unless you're the one finds the right person is one is about. We cut out a little bit of the intro. We start talking about his hairdo. Go to youtube and you can see it but He did kind of a little sociology experiment with his hair in. He'll explain them. Okay do you want to end on what is up with your hair. It looks awesome with your hair. It looks fine and wonderful. The me i don't need to tell you it's a little bit more interesting so when i was in college i was kind of a you. I was a sociology. African american studies double major with a minor in psychology. So my came up with this idea. That i just thought people were always reading reading people by their closed their hair their dornan's right and i shaved my head because i didn't want that to be something that people would read on me even or not like if someone's if everyone. I had this philosophy that if everyone was bald in shaved their head there would be less aggression. There would be people would be happier. I dunno philosophy and again. I wanted to use my own head as an experiment. I guess to see how people reacted in what that meant. But then i also found that it really really liked the look and i just thought was so much easier to just save my head. I didn't have the pay anybody and that was in one thousand nine hundred ninety three and you stuck with it because we met up just a few months ago.

00:40:02 - 00:45:09

I stuck with it A year ago. I started to kind of play around with growing my hair out right but i a in cutting trying to cut my hair and keep it trimmed. I like sometimes it cut too much and then you got cut everything else in an ended up. I can't do this. And i just cut it off so again. I tried to grow at this year. And this time. I kinda lead to decide. Start to grow out and i was like well. This is kind of fun. And now when i look at myself without here even though i wore for twenty seven years with hair that looks weird and i feel or a the other thing too is. Julian pointed out to. I felt like i was getting the agent and the manager. I just kept getting these. These thug rolls and things like that. You know because of my appearance. And i was like i wanna do. I want something different than that. Like are people really turned away. Because i save my head in and that was you know and i i feel like it does change my appearance and actually the first time i rode first time. I did it last year. I wrote an article for lincoln the experience because most people have here. Now i have some thinning in the back. And i'm okay with that. I didn't even know. It was there. Because i had saved my head. So do the opposite. You know like men that have Male pattern baldness eventually shave their head and roommate now that right. But i was like oh i can grow hair. I have a hairline and it was like okay. Let's see where it goes so it's kind of different for me. You know to have here. That's cool so you haven't really seen any people with it but have you. What's the reaction. Now when i didn't audition a self tape audition in senate out and i hadn't told my manager and agent. That was growing my hair. Because i know the immediately say get more headshots lightweight. No more just got when they saw the immediately said. I'm in love with your hair. People always respond in such a positive way which is interesting when i talked about reading hair. I was what was wrong with the way. I look before you know so very different so it really really substantiates might claim. That people do see hair is a big thing i mean you know. It's so weird. Is i didn't really even notice i'm an eye person. Make eye contact. And then but my sister's different where she'll notice like show obsessing someone's tooth and i'm like i didn't even see their teeth that was like icon to it's weird. We're just different in that way. So i'm picking up on a little. Caesar milan kind of But you know it. Also the is to in the this smile wrinkles so i like you have a very happy face a i'll get in. It's interesting about the hair. I've heard this from friends who have actually had to undergo breast cancer treatment when they lose their hair and how much of an identity it is and how hard it is to be out there without the hair and so i applaud you with that. I think it's cool and to to gauge people axes so much so it's harder in the hair gain you don tough but then you guys get the male pattern balding so we may not get as much the trade off. Yeah it's all interesting all that external appearance in how i remember. I wore boxy close at the time. When i was getting very anxious and i said i said i want people let me for my personality so i just look back at pictures and i was. It was really different because he would see the types of people who would accept you as a friend or as a yeah versus the guys when these all your boobs cycle right. I know you guys versus guys. All right we could talk for hours about appearance in identity but Bottom line is you just have to. I believe in like When i meet people will get to know people. I always give everyone a blank slate in like build from there and some people see it kind of naive quality because we want to immediately judge in make discernment. But i'm like. I don't know anything about this person. They'll have to like build an understanding of who they are in a lot of people. Don't want to take the time to do that. Unfortunately yeah that's must be. I wonder if that's a reaction out of maturity too whereas when you're young and maybe see. I always go back to my caveman theory. I have to bring it up but when you're young and ready to mate and you're looking at the girl with the nice boobs measure of she would be a good mom she could feed my babies. And so you're more attracted to that but maybe once you exit stage of needing to reproduce you really start to notice personalities and the more i never wasn't maybe person so i didn't think like that as much because i didn't think i wanted to have kids and you also it's in your book that you didn't hear i put mine on display.

00:45:09 - 00:50:02

I wanted to be a mom. So i was pushing those puppies up. Yeah so. I wonder if that's been kim right there like knowing that if you want to be a mom or dad or not what were you going to say. Why do you think that people are different in that way. What makes a difference. I have been wondering this my entire life. Because julian and i are so different in this aspect. But i don't know. I really think i popped out this way. I was a little girl. And i love babies and barbie dolls. And i just followed my mom around and i wanted to be domestically you know as with it as she was in did all the cooking cleaning. That was just all fascinating to me from the time i was i don't know two and then julianne popped out and i really thought she was my baby. I took care of her. So it's just an instinct. I can't explain it in now. That i'm older. And they're more independent now is when i'm coming into my own. I wanna do things for me and this is really the first time in my life by so it's just who i am. I don't know how to explain it so it all worked out. Yeah it'll be interesting to see where my kids follow it this too because i can see my daughter already being a little mini mummy. And then there's my middle son who's very competitive and he. He's decided when he was young he won't say it now but when he was young he said you know. I think i'm going to be gay. Because then i can hang out with my best friend. We can drive a sports car. We play soccer all the time. We don't have to pay for kids. It'd be great elliott. Our toby understood elliott. I don't think he understood the nuance of the physical part. Now he now. He's things another two now that he's thirteen. Because oh i can't believe i said that but anyway. Yeah it's an interesting thing to to think about cash. I love how in tune you are with yourself. It's so refreshing to have a guy who's not posing to be something he's and who can really lean into parts of yourself. I think that's great. Appreciate it. i'm still a work in progress. I you know. I come to these these moments where i'm like. I thought i thought you knew who you were. And you're like nah. You still repressing. Like i said like coming to the thing with that acting thing. I was almost embarrassed to admit that didn't really want to do it. Like what do i do. It's almost like you back yourself into a corner they like. How do i get out. You know you making decisions and then you have to find a way to like undo the decision right but it's you can always do that though. You can always do that in a lot of times. Most of the time the best thing that you can ever do is to communicate what you really think in a way. That's eloquent in your. I mean i strive to live a life free of conflict. The you know in the only conflict. I usually get is. They don't pick up the trash. I've got like call l. a. Dwp several times kind of conflict there. But that was because i created a life. That doesn't require that. Because i came from a background where conflict was the norm. I didn't want to have my life like that and be miserable. Scan now keller. You have something on the horizon. That i saw which might explain why you have this. Nice microphone in front of you. What are you doing in the future. What's coming over for everybody that we can tell them about. Well i started actually was trying to Diy a Audio book for the book to read the book and it is so. It's really hard to do that. Especially on your own. You know And i do like audio books. And people like them. And i was like. I don't think i can do this. I think what i can do is a podcast that covers a little bit deeper into each of these chapters in a good friend of mine agreed to read the higher entire book and write three questions for every chapter and then record her voice reading the questions. And so i'm gonna answer the questions and they're very thorough deep questions that i get to mess around with. So that's called seeking seldom going deeper. And i'm also working on a thirteen part. Meditation guided meditation series for insight timer called delve into seldom. And so i want to also take that thirteen judges and find something to be able to meditate onto so the book was really kind of like i needed a platform of ideas so i can not have to reinvent the wheel over and over again Those two things are what are on the horizon for me hopefully spring. They'll come out. that's awesome. Congratulations that's very cool. A keller thank you for being here with us. This is very enlightening for us.

00:50:02 - 00:54:40

Both right joe. I love get talk for another three hours. Yes so we'll look for your podcast. I'm going to link everything in the show notes again and your audio book in the future and your guided meditations coming up. I was going to say to and we were talking about yoga and stuff. There's a very cool. instagram account. Called black boys of home. Because i think it breaks down stereotypes of race in your some absolutely that anyway. Thank you leasing. We look forward to offend future with your podcast and a good. We think you're great. You're awesome account so much for being a hard act to follow but he's like my goodness birds of a feather good all right. Well thank you and we we'll to talk to you soon again. You will tell us everybody thinking. The podcast is called seeking self tim going deeper master of none uncertainty and social media way. It looks like it's available everywhere. I found it on apple podcasts. On spotify and it looks good. You guys go check it out seeking soft Going deeper with a fellow stone. If you would like to hear more about please go to our show. Notes on mouse in weans dot com. You can also follow us. On oliver social media at mouse end weans fell it all out and we look forward to hearing you. We'd like to say a huge thank you to all of our listeners and monstrous thank you to all of our patrons. We've got two new patrons this month and we want to give huge shouts to megan. And joyce thank you so much we love you guys and it means the world and anyone else wants to join patriot dot com slash nelson means will get a welcome. Swag we'll get behind the scenes content extra videos bloopers outtakes and the full episodes that are edited so it might be worth a little five dollars a month. Just i've coffee to come on over to patriot and we hope to see there. So thank you. Everybody and we'll talk to you soon. Now were hello. You've been listening to a podcast of the pod. Fix network discover more audible gyms like this PodFixNetwork.com. Make sure to catch up to the minute network shenanigans by following at pod. Fix on twitter. @official_podfix on Instagram, @podfixnetwork on Facebook, and make sure to subscribe to PodFix Presents. Wherever you choose to find podcasts. Podcast network artists owned in love. Do you love plants. Don't be silly of course you do. You might just not know it yet. I'm Vikram Baliga. The host of the Planthropology podcast, the show where we dive into the lives and careers some really cool plant people. Join each episode as I chat with students, scientists and professionals in the natural sciences and figure out what keeps them coming back for more. We will explore their work, the ways they got into their fields, why they love plants and nature so much, and why you should love those things too. Planthropology. Laid-back and conversational and we'll keep you laughing and engaged whether you're a scientist or not. Follow along for this adventure in the sciences and keeping really cool plant people. This was a podcast of the podcast network. You check out more shows like it on PodFixNetwork.com