E91 - What Would Weens Do? Parenting advice and more! Julianne has been staying with Joelle during quarantine and after a few weeks, has a new perspective on how her family operates. Knowing this, Mouse asks for advice to overhaul how the house runs...
Julianne has escaped the wildfires, protests, and bad air of LA for a few weeks and is quarantining with me, the big sister Joelle, in San Diego. We still have fires, funky air, and protesting but on a much smaller scale. It’s been a wonderful, fun time and now she has a great perspective. She now knows how life is day to day in this busy family house with three homeschooling kids (15, 13 and 9) seeing all of us in our daily routine.
So I decided to put her in the hot seat and ask her for advice on how I should run things differently at home. If she could Freaky Friday and switch places with me, what would she do differently? Julianne is not comfortable with this idea but finally agreed to be my little sister life coach of sorts! I told her to think of it like the tv show Supernanny: I’m hiring her, like Jo Frost, to observe our family and advise on positive changes.
Help me! How can I fix what is broken in our family?
Here are the five categories that I know need some work in our home:
kids and parenting
Here is what she says:
(1) FOOD (min 7:00):
First of all she would not serve meat, especially pressed hams and gams (callback to leg and butt stories!). If we are going to serve meat, make it organic, grass-fed, and environmentally friendly. Julianne is an empathic vegetarian and has done a lot of research around health and nutrition, so assures us we can get our protein from plant-based foods. As for family eating, she realizes that we all go for the easy-to-heat foods and the quick snacks instead of vegetables, herself included. Without doing a complete pantry purge, try to fill up your belly first thing in the a.m. and make it last. Not feeling hungry helps you avoid the dangerous snacking. Want to know her new secret? A special green smoothie every morning! They fill you up and give you great vitamins, iron, calcium, B-vitamins, protein, omegas, and energy to start your day. What a great easy idea that I’ve heard of - we’ve probably all heard of - but never really implemented because it sounds like a lot of work. If we just plan ahead though and keep all the main ingredients in stock, it ends up being really easy.
Here is the WEENS GREENS SMOOTHIE RECIPE to make 3 large cups. But be sure to listen too for all the hot tips and hacks when making these!
1 blender-full of greens In a regular-sized blender, fill it almost full to the top with greens. Can be spinach, mixed greens, kale, or bagged power greens, fresh or frozen
1/4 of the blender w/ almond milk unsweetened or vanilla (or milk-substitute of your choice)
2-3 bananas ~1 banana per person fresh or frozen
1 handful of fruit. Apple, pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, any kind of berries; fresh or frozen
4 tablespoons hemp seeds or can be a handful of nuts or a dollop of nut butter
These smoothies will help your skin, your hair, your nails, and your bowels! They are about 300 calories each for those doing the counting. There are a few recipes like this out there in the world, namely one that Reese Witherspoon touts. But Julianne does not like the lemon she added in. We do like her cute dance though! Get the printable WEENS GREENS SMOOTHIE RECIPE HERE
My sister moves on to talk about all of the snacks and junk food that we have in our house. On the one hand, it would be a good idea to overhaul our pantry and get rid of it all. This is great in theory. But she thinks that in reality, dumping all the junk would create a dynamic of the kids seeing me as the enemy who took away all of their good food. This also might create a sneaky environment. Also if I suddenly turned our house into raw food central, I would have to prepare and cook all of the food, which isn’t really feasible! So instead, she thinks kids’ food choices should change starting on the social-emotional side. If we work on communicating from the ground up, it would create respect and trust to talk about food, eating habits, and taking charge of making some of their own meals.
Add green smoothies into our lives, even if I have to camouflage them with chocolate and opaque cups.
Cut down on junk food and replace it with healthy and quick options.
Start having more quality family talks to improve communication and food choices.
(2) KIDS AND PARENTING (min 13:00)
After covering food, we talk about how she would do things differently as a parent if we could Freaky Friday ourselves. Julianne said one thing she would do would be to take the kids out into nature for long chunks of time, leave all the screens behind, and do tiring activities like hiking or to the beach. Her thought is that after many hours, the kids would come down out of their stimulated world and start to open up and talk about deeper things. This is a great idea and I confirm that our usual outings are quick dinners or movies. I would love more quality time away from home without screens and agree that once a week isn’t too much. Here in San Diego we can hike Torrey Pines, go to the beach, hike Potato Chip Rock, or go for bike rides.
Another important non-screen time would be family dinners when we take turns talking around the family table. We do try to do this pretty often, although it’s tough with soccer practices always at supper time. There is something to be said for flexibility, but making these dinners consistent, no matter how many days a week you choose, would be key in making the quality time habit stick, says Julianne.
One of the obstacles I mention is getting the buy-in and the help of my partner for these multi-hour events when he only has two precious days off of work on the weekend. But if there is planning ahead and entering events on the calendar, then they could be manageable. In my case, we have a very traditional household where my husband works a lot and I carry the rest of the load with kids, housework, bill paying, and cooking.
Julianne was able to experience this workload firsthand and said it took her about a week to adjust to the fact that in our house, an adult can’t sit for a long chunk of time and get anything done because there are constant interruptions. The only way I get uninterrupted time is if I hole myself in a back room, set up rules for the kids not to bother me, and put a sign on the door. But then I get pangs of mom-guilt that I’m not being a good parent! I wonder what the kids get up to in their alone time if I’m not keeping an eye on them. Does anyone else relate to this?
Another obstacle, going back to my zombie-like digital children, is the fact that our family culture is one of lots of tv and movies. We call it being a ‘tuber’ in our family! We can all plop down and marathon binge all sorts of entertainment. We also have a few introverted personality types in our family, so this makes it extra easy to fall into this trap of tubing out and becoming a zombie. But the kids do respond well to time limits so we could go back to scheduled screen times.
One more tricky characteristic of us Kohns is that we tend to keep things light and fun, and occasions really don’t get too serious or deep. We don’t go to church so there aren’t scheduled sit-down lessons per se. This is all well and good to rely on spur of the moment conversations, unless it turns out we are ignoring the deeper emotional talks and the true connections. I ask Julianne if she thinks we need to have planned themes, talks, lessons or family meetings. Knowing us, she doesn’t think we would stick to that plan, so thinks the idea of talking during long outings in nature, during which “real” subjects can come up easily and naturally, is more “us.”
Julianne asks whether the kids bring up deeper subjects if given the time and space? Generally speaking, we are a joking, teasing sort of family when we’re all together. But I tell her that the deeper conversations happen during one-on-one time. Charlotte does like to bring up themes at the dinner table though, akin to the Conversation Starter cards. Julianne relates because she loves this too! But at the end of the day, Juls says it would be great to be sure to have a safe space for the kids to talk about their feelings because she wonders where else they put their feelings at this age. Knowing the teen boys, they definitely won’t call up their friends to share with them and we both think it’s important for them to emote. I’m glad she said this because my husband and I together tend to be more of the logical, black and white types of thinkers, assuming our kids are just fine, whereas Julianne is more emotional and may sense her niece and nephews’ needs in this department.
Have a meeting to discuss quality family time with my husband
Make an easily attainable schedule
Pick screen hours that they have to check them in, maybe just starting with a couple days a week to see if it works for us too.
Plan on family dinners and weekend outings with longer stretches in nature.
(3) SELF (min 21:00 & 30:00)
As I start to get excited and list off the myriad of things I am going to implement, Julianne politely pulls me back down to earth and reminds me that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. She and I are both creatives, so we always have a lot of ideas. But with my new role as more of a hands-off mom, I’m really letting loose with my plans! Julianne has been down this road before herself, with all of the movie and music projects she has been a part of in the past. Over time, she has learned how to focus on one project at a time and make attainable goals, so recommends I do the same! She tells me to break a project into small chunks and prioritize.
Julianne then has me recall my latest exclamations about projects and plans. In the past week that she was here, she contends that I burst out each morning with a new massive plan around podcasting, broadcasting, networking, writing, and more creative branding ideas. I also just attended the Podfest Conference so am infused with enthusiasm for the future. Maybe my current early morning manic brain explosions have built up over the many years I’ve been busy with babies while Julianne has been busy in the film industry. Now we are finally at a time and place where we can both work on a dream project, so I’m trying to pitch new exciting arms of the same basic idea to see if she’ll jump on board.
Lots of talk but no action drives Julianne crazy because she’s been burned by this before in the film and music industry. It’s great to have ideas, but what are the tangible steps in the plan, she asks. Julianne uses the success of her friend and author Scott Baron (mentioned on our ‘Haiku Wieners’ episode) as an example. Scott wrote two series of sci-fi novels and he is reaping the benefits. How? He put many hours into market research, put strict timelines on disciplined writing, and financially invested in experts to help him illustrate and edit the books. He now has a steady income that pays the bills, which is quite the dream for a creative. Please check out Scott Baron's Clockwork Chimera series, and his Dragon Mage series on Amazon. Major congratulations and kudos!
It’s wonderful to dream, but make a list of projects
Pick one project, be strict, and follow through
Have steps that are concrete
SELF-CARE (min 49:30)
My little sister asks me what I think I could do to take better care of myself. I’d like to put more time into my lagging exercise and beauty routine. To feel better about yourself physically will probably translate to the mental. Julianne also points out that when it comes to self-care, I don’t meditate or self-reflect. Really it’s because I don’t know how, but I do try to have gratitude moments right when I wake up and mindful moments at night before I fall asleep. This is difficult for me though with my ping-ponging monkey brain. Plus I like to read right before bed, albeit on my phone. I also get middle-of-the-night panicked insomnia, woken up from anxiety dreams worried that I’m failing my children. I will beat myself up that I didn’t check in with them more throughout the day. I am concerned I’m not more present with them and that my side projects are taking me away from being the undivided mom that I used to be. This imbalance leads to me feeling guilty. Julianne guesses that a lot of this stems from control issues and perfectionism, which I agree is probably the case.
Give up some problems to a higher power or something outside of myself,
whatever that may be (universe, god, nature), to help alleviate some of the anxiety.
Do a nightly routine of writing down 3 things I am pleased with, and 1 thing that I could improve.
For accountability email those lists to someone
Check in to connect daily with each of my kids individually with at least 5 minutes of undivided quality attention.
(4) HOUSEHOLD (27:00)
This should be a straightforward subject, but it’s a toughie! We both agree that the kids should be doing more chores of their fair share of the housework, such as their normal putting away of the dishes and picking up dog poop! But unless I stay on top of them and police them, turning to threats, anger and raised voices, the chores won’t get accomplished. Julianne noticed that sometimes I’m accountable in a controlled way, going upstairs to talk to set the boundaries and the consequences. But most times I’m busy or just plain lazy! This is definitely something I can work on.
Now when it comes to me doing chores, we both agree that I work in a distracted way, in a big circle around the house doing a little here and a little there. Julianne diplomatically explains that maybe this is a genetic thing and she relates. She has learned and says I should prioritize and knock out one thing at a time on the to-do list. She also believes in minimization. For example, she has a small set of silverware and dishes. It keeps life simple and distractions few.
Julianne tells me to make my house more environmentally-friendly. Our car, a Suburban whose size I love for our big road-trip, gear-hauling, dog-having family, has always been a hot topic between me and my sister. I understand that it’s a gas-guzzler and I don’t like that part of it, so I would happily get an electric car. But my dear husband has a Tesla so likes the idea of having one traditional car that we can count on for long trips without having to stop and charge. My sister also gives a speech about gas-powered leaf-blowers, air pollution, noise pollution and how I should demand our gardeners to go back to raking and sweeping. I don’t know about this one! Maybe we can cut them back to every other week.
Set boundaries, set consequences, and follow through with the kids and their chores.
Prioritize house projects with a to-do list and complete them one at a time.
Pare down on my ‘stuff’.
Campaign to switch our next family car to be at least a hybrid.
Cut back on our gardeners and their time on leaf-blowers!
(5) RELATIONSHIP (min 42:00)
How do things look in our marriage? Does my sister think we need a counselor? Julianne is a big advocate of therapy in general, so she might be leaning that way. Diplomatically, she tells me that it’s up to us whether we think we need counseling. Weens wonders what we’re really like when she’s not here - whether we’d be fighting more and whether we’d be spending more one-on-one connected time together without her around. The answer is ‘no’ on the fighting because we are a pretty mellow couple. As for connected time, as many other couples may relate to, I told her we go off to work on our own things after dinner, and sometimes we plop down to watch something together. It’s probably 50/50 together vs solo time. I do wonder if we’re modeling the best relationship for our kids, but Julianne points out that we do show affection with each other in front of the kids. We talk about how we are a ‘teasing’ family and our sense of humor can be misconstrued as putting each other down. Also kids, especially the older boys, will pick up on this, model it, and it can turn into a lack of respect.
There is also my observation that when the kids were younger, we were much more synchronized and committed to being a united front as parents. Dave and I would discuss issues behind closed doors to be sure we were on the same page, and then present them to the kids together. Now being older, the kids have gotten savvy about separating us to ask for things knowing that we have different parenting ways. Our life is also much more busy and fragmented with sports and work schedules, so there are fewer chances to have parenting discussions.
A lot of our relationship moments can be dictated by moods as well. Julianne has finally seen me go through a whole month and noticed that I do in fact get PMS; short-tempered and snippy right before my period. I haven’t really checked in with myself all of these years to notice! And regarding my husband, he overreacts to things when he is hangry - hungry and angry - and we both have little patience when we don’t get good sleep.
One more pet peeve is my husband’s light case of road rage when he is driving. He does things and says things behind the wheel that make me cringe as the boys are nearing driving age. But Julianne can’t say a whole lot in this department because she is the same way (throwback to our ‘Driving Miss Weenie’ episode). She points out that I drive too slow and don’t speed up through lights, to which I counter that yellow lights are for slowing down! Audience? You be the judge! Speed or slow through yellows?!
Decide for ourselves if we need counseling.
Be more aware of how we talk to each other in front of the kids. They are going to model our behavior.
Create more one-on-one time.
We hope that this dialog might help you too. Please do reach out to let us know what you struggle with, if you relate, if you have any tips or tricks, or what works for you and your family. Comment below or write us at email@example.com
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===TRANSCRIPT=== (transcribed by a.i. A real human editing in progress)
Fix My Life Sis!
00:00:01 - 00:05:00
That says Franklin Delano Roosevelt. They only podcast we have two here is mouse and wings. National Assembly person wins, you know the song Sweet Caroline. Welcome to Mouse and weans I'm Mouse. I'm just well, I'm the mom went down in San Diego. I'm Wayne's I am Julien and I'm now in San Diego with my sister. This is great. I know I know so weans has been here. It's just so long escaping this the fire started with the fire which you know was probably somewhere around the 10th of last month. I know I know it is Bob was September maybe I remember looking at my emails and yeah, it was probably the tenth. So now we're at October fourth fifth sixth seventh going on a month almost. It's crazy. It's crazy. I love it. Now. It makes me so happy because it's like having a second mom in the house having another fun energy in the kids freaking love you and it just makes our family so much more often when you're here. But yeah, it's been chaos though, cuz we're all still just kind of quarantining and we were also dealing with there's been riots. There's been protests there was a freeway was just shut down Armenian protesting. Yeah and live right by Glendale. So it's right there the 101 shut down on both sides last night, but but she nights ago 2 minutes ago. She's feeling the itch to Hoops to maybe get back home and check on the house and the whole thing. So do you feel okay about that? Yeah, I do. I'm not gonna miss you and we had big plans. We have all of our Halloween movies written up on the Whiteboard. We're going to watch with the kids and all these plans. And so sorry. I'm really close to home. 30 smell my cheese balls. I'm not smelling burning out with me. Okay good thing where families balls used balls. But before you when I wanted to be sure and record because I feel like now you have a really good perspective on a day in the life of us of being a family of five. I want you to tell me I don't know why you want me to do. I know I just think it would be a good experiment to have you be really candid and you can be like Supernanny which was a show if you guys don't know what this lady named Jo from England and she would come kind of observe a family for a while and then she would offer advice on how to fix and it was usually around kids. It was usually around parenting so long, I wrote down five areas that I want you to comment on and if you could Freaky Friday and switch places with me what kind of things would you do differently job? Crazy because I don't like to tell anybody what to do, but I'm asking for it when you know, okay hiring you for advice and says help me fix my life. And I know there's certain things that I can do differently. I know it but I guess I want verification that these are important things I should work on and then my chair was just squeaking. Is that okay? I know I have one can't cut it out now because we're not on separate like Springer. It's okay. We have squeaky chairs. But anyway, yeah, it it it's tough. I know that I should fix and I probably owe will recognize this this video off. So my hands my Gams are touching because now we're on the stool and we're in an awkward. I'm sorry to just cut you off. No, I mean but now she put a video on because you're now into the video land of this podcast. So by the way, this will be on video somewhere. Yeah, we're good now we can't just dick around like we used to and nobody was watching now my dog Gams are squished together on the stool. Jams our legs. By the way, you haven't used that term in a well. That's legs. Yes. This is the The Cove Indian our hams suburb area for us lately. We've been jogging we just started like getting into it and now you're leaving no guilt not guilty you but we had a really good workout situation. We were going to start off. She just put a towel over her lap. So she just have to look at her own games. Someone else is going to anyway. I mean, it's not a big deal. Everyone should be proud of their games. Yeah. Well God, nobody needs the same squishing together the whole time. Yeah. It's it's distracting except for a small fee or for the Patriot. You can see those hams touch $5 a month off pressed hams.
00:05:00 - 00:10:03
In fact, that's a bottom. I know this was our dad used to When We Were Young play pranks on his brothers and sisters and we would be driving on the on the fridge. Going places or just on the side road and we had a mini van and he would yell pressed ham kids pressed him and he would zoom up next to one of his brothers or sisters. And as a prank. Yeah, we would pull down her defense in the back seat of the car and push our little butts up against the window and drive it next to my bank and all they would see was this little Marin squashed against it's chest like child abuse. Now when you say it like that back then I think it was just funny and he would do it too. So it wasn't always just us. Yeah, that sounds weird. I know it was funny. I think we thought it was funny. Yeah, we thought it was great. Yeah, how was the time of pressed hands? And you know what, I pressed hymns in the seventies. We accept them and appreciate them and eighties. Yeah. There you go a little sidebar. All right, so impressed him. Yes first area serve him anymore in your household. I know I want to talk about nutrition and food. So you've lived with us for almost a month. What do you see? What can we change? What should we do? You thank you by the way for accepting me. I do like being a part of the family. Ye of course know it really is a positive like Dave loves you. I love you. We had mom here for a while to it's great. The kids loved you the Family Life. Yeah part of the field their house is huge by the way, so you could I could hide back here and nobody would notice for like a month and you've got your own sweet. It's all good. She's in the recording studios off right now. So all right so nutrition and food. Yeah, I don't like doing this because then but you asked for it, so I will be as honest as I can do Thursday. I have started making you the green smoothies in the morning. I think that young tots don't like vegetables as much as adults do so then there's a tendency to affect the pizzas and The Bagel Bites and everybody likes the Easy to heat up foods, which I'm like that too though. So I'm a hypocrite but it's okay. It's just let it all out. I know we're all kind of Hypocrites in this can't be perfect. But if we could make this the perfect advice, yeah. Okay. So the green smoothies now, did you get the boys to drink them? Cuz I know Charlotte would drink them but the boys wouldn't sure that's the cutest she wants to be like the big girls and chill thought she was toughing it out though. I don't think she actually liked him but I think that's good for you to choose to start your day that way so you have very good vitamins. Yeah. Yeah, so I would continue that after I leave home. Will you give us the recipe for green smoothies? These are really good folks. She's been right. Now you got inspired by something you read somewhere. No, but I know I have been doing it because I am doing the vegetarian life and then you don't have a lot of iron often. I think I was came up short in the blood drive. So you have to make sure so I put lots of spinach. Okay, how much whole thing of spinach and you can use mixed greens or they have a lot of those power greens at the store? Okay. So if I was making lender, okay, so we're doing it for the whole family. How much does a condor make for three people three adults? Okay. Okay, I would put in a quarter of the blender and I would use almond milk. It's my favorite. Okay, you can use unsweetened or vanilla is my favorite age. He put in the rest like three big handfuls are two big handfuls of spinach. So almost goes all the way to the top but folks who can squish it down and you squish it down with one banana each adult. So whoever if three bananas one banana per okay, and if you have no hope you guys remember that I couldn't resist hands at grams in banana. Look at this. It's so dumb. Yeah, you can put two bananas in and make sure that their little spotted bananas. So they're nice and sweet the trick really you don't want to have greens. You don't want to you want them a little spot. Little sweet. Okay, and then you can put it in a handful of strawberries. Let's say maybe five or six all of these are fresh or frozen precious good Frozen fine, too. If you want to add a little cool to your home smoothie. Okay can put in some pineapple some blueberries like a handful of you said yes, I like to put in the hemp seeds from giving you the omegas. This is the protein part of it or no kind of I mean, they're nuts. So we all like not wait hemp seeds or nuts. I thought it was well. No, I mean see see see. Okay, that's a Nazi. I'm I should say it gives it a Nutty taste and it's also mostly omegas is the thing. So how much of that you get. I don't like as much you guys like it more so I don't know just like four tablespoons. Oh not much. Yeah. All right, and this comes we buy ours in a big bag from Costco. So, you know throw newberry's I like to do a little Frozen stuff.
00:10:03 - 00:15:01
So that makes it cold so you're not drinking like a dog Temperature yeah, yeah. Yeah some of your friends you can always freeze your bananas if they're getting too spotty and starting to get to rip and you told me to I could even freeze if we buy a big thing of spinach you can freeze your spring is I never thought to do that and I hate getting wet and slimy. Yeah stick it in the movie Lexa. Okay, good. All right. So there you go folks, but what I did see any could put some apple in there for fiber. Oh, yeah might help you walk in and half an apple. I wouldn't go too much cuz then it gets that great. Gritty yucky. Okay, this is fascinating knows do you ever do ice know? Okay, just to your a couple of frozen vegetables. Cool. Okay, green smoothies got it. And then you said it makes your hair good and your nails strong and it's all good things right energy. Well think about it. What is all in there? We're really close together right now, We're going to kiss cuz we're also like looking at each other like oh look at the camera more Hello make you nervous and uncomfortable. Well, yeah glossy lips shut off. I put on stuff cuz I didn't know this camera was going to be on yeah, here we are. Right so we're getting lots of iron, I forgot to see this is filming so you could be back look at it. And I know it's just really stupid each other. And so yeah, that's that guys in everybody. Oh, I saw Reese Witherspoon doing a similar Shake know she put lemon in I do not like that idea. I say sweet start your day with a little pep. All right good and now with the boys to get them to drink it. I might I mean it's not all about this but I was going to say maybe I'll try adding pocket and put it in an open cup with a straw where they can't see what color it is. Do you think that would work sure do chocolate peanut butter? Sometimes I'll put sunflower peanut butter in for a little extra fun that you're in the mood for more protein and oh nuts are you can always turn that sin. Okay, you guys have a lack of nuts, you know, you wouldn't think so in a house full of boys, but you're right. We do I gave you that big. Give almonds and then go bad. Nobody likes them. Nobody eats them, I'll take him. Yeah. All right guys, so take that and you will feel energetic. I was less energetic in my life until these green smoothies. Ye bills off all your vitamins in the morning just like your work out. So okay what I see about the nutrition is I mean, Lay it on me. I want to know but I'm not going to get this is not my wheelhouse because part of me thinks yeah, what are you going to do? You're going to force them to eat great meals morning noon and night you would have to prepare them and force them and take away everything else. Yeah, that would be the overhaul right? I stopped buying junk food. I stopped buying quick snacky things. Yeah, and I just go get Whole Foods everything but this is where I can't all the time. I mean you want me to be this person. I would do an overhaul from the ground up wage of this doesn't matter as much to me as getting people on more emotional connected page social emotional stuff. Okay, and then once that happened, I mean, I don't know. Yeah because right if you're I'm going to take away all these snacks know then it creates this whole. Yeah, then they're mad at them. And then they're going to sneak things and then they don't respect you and then you're the jerk and then yeah, so, okay. So the order in which we do this overhaul not saying that I will necessarily but I do want to fix some stuff cuz I know it's broken social emotional. Let's go there. What would you change if we Freaky Friday? Yes, how would you Do things differently than we do in our house? So I might take the kids out more for things where you leave all the screens in the car and you go for a hike or something where they can have nothing right? And then you make them long enough to where they get burned out from it's not just a 20-minute thing from the card of the thing to the back in the car, but they have to I would do it like once a week or something off a big heavy duty for our thing where people get burned out enough and they start talking about deeper things possibly because what we do is we just kind of pop out. Dinner pop back and go back home and it's kind of surface e and so what you're saying more quality time. Yeah away from home without screens. Yeah, everyone's forced to talk and then they cut out there put some vinegars in the beginning and then you start asking like, so what's really going on at school. And then what do you have anybody that you're talking to and name a couple of friends and then we'll go off. I don't want to and then at some point then we'll start talking cuz there's nothing else to do.
00:15:02 - 00:20:02
Hm. You've got a little nature between you so people feel more comfortable. You're removing them from their own not know. This could be totally wrong. No, I think that's good. We saw it last night. We went out to dinner and they had just done a binge day of screens. Dave was working real hard. We're doing podcast stuff all day and college stuff for you. And then yeah, nobody was enforcing any sort of rolls and it was like there was zombies, huh. They like wouldn't talk they were so grumpy, but it's not your fault. It's not the end of the world if that happens cuz I get it. I see how it is and you would just be spending your whole day monitoring them. Yeah and going what are you doing? What are you doing? And then you're walking around policing everyone. So maybe it's fine if they have a But maybe to just Implement a little more nature time. Yeah with for a longer stretch. Okay, how do you feel like when they go to the beach for four hours? I love it. Do they become a different? Yeah. Yeah. All of this is 100% makes sense. It's also getting the buy-in of your partner when they have two precious days of hanging out relaxing to take half of one of those days and be like, okay, we're going to go do this big thing cuz you know Dave work so hard and he comes home and he wants to just sit and chill and watch sports package. Yeah, so that parts are but right I think if we put it on the calendar and make it a thing and we sit down and talk about it. And this is our new plan then yeah, that'd be great. Well, what if you did dinners two nights a week better? No screen sit-down dinners at home and everyone goes around like you had said and does some kind of sharing dead. But we can do that almost every night. Yeah, except for the soccer nights I guess but sometimes it's good to not have everything so regimented that maybe it is nice to have but maybe if you do like Thursday and Friday are the sit-down dinner nights where everybody talks about. I don't know if this works but the thing is you would have to want to do it enough and keep it consistent off because otherwise it just falls off. I know yeah, sometimes if you're tired or you want to do podcasting or whatever and then it becomes a thing that's not off with me and help it's been so nice cuz you are that extra set of hands that you can be like. Oh, hope you cook. No, I'm just kidding. I know you have your wife but it is also a lot when it's kind of the one partner doing most of the stuff. Yeah. So you've got the Working Man in the news and everything else. I get it. It's very exhausting and yep. Is it was weird adjusting to it in the beginning it took like a week to go. Wow, you can't sit for a chunk of time without getting interrupted. It just was different. Yeah. I'm so used to just took my own everything time and but people just walk in and they ask questions and they walk out and they come in and you're like, how can you just sit and you can't get anything done for any solid time unless you should make a rule and put a sign on the door and then hold yourself away. And then you feel guilty because you're ignoring your kids. Yeah, this is the argument. I always have you're doing it a little bit like today. Everyone's kind of odd. Yeah, it's hard and who knows what they're doing you hope they're doing school work, but two of the boys are upstairs with their doors close, they could be yeah watching reruns of hams and Gams 6:50 show. You never know. Don Knotts makes an appearance. It's a good mix of The Ghost and mr. Chicken, they could both be watching instead of doing their math off. And goes to mr. Chicken anyway, so yeah, okay. I like that that makes sense. So what other social what makes sense? What would you do doing the connected family dinner with the connected hikes taking away the screens? Okay, but that's a general. So what how you right now could be accountable to what you would really actually do. I think it come from the top Dave and I would sit down and go. Okay. Let's make some rules and we do this occasionally and then it falls apart but like really picking, you know, you can only do free screen time from 3 to 5. That's it, you know, and they'll lock them up. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know a good way to get them all. Why don't you try it for instead of making it every day all day you could do it for just try it out for a couple days a week or something. So you're not all of a sudden shifting into this crazy. Yeah new way. Yeah, and then you could see how it works for you to okay? I like that pickle like Monday, Wednesday Thursday. I mean parents out there you guys call in right in whatever tell us about your kids and screens cuz I don't know. I think we're all in the same boat together and we're just like no rules during quarantine out feels like a lot of people are doing that.
00:20:02 - 00:25:02
But maybe people are more regimen and tell me what you guys do. I need some tips with all these friend the other night that said that his kid was doing like more biking and stuff like that. So would you well that was implemented a long time ago. They made him trade in his Xbox. He had a choice he could get a new puppy that he really wanted or he could keep his Xbox, but if you got the puppy he had to get the Xbox and so he made that choice. So without that he wasn't as into videogames cuz that's where all of it lied for him. But that's not the same in our house because we have Toby who can do, you know about a Grand Theft Auto on his computer and then they both have phones. So I think this this kid he's always just been a little more adventurous and he likes outdoor stuff. So he's not busy. You've got more of an introverted young one. Yeah. Yep. Cheers, it's I swear. It's genetic this whole family. I love T and movies Dave does too and the kids we can all just sit in Marathon TV and movies. Well, although she gets up and bounces around. But anyway, yeah, it's not bad. Where do you see the imbalance when they turn into zombies when I can't get them to interact. So I think if that's the best thing that to do I've realised is to set time limits and say okay here are the rules 5:00 everybody shuts everything down and they respond and they do okay, you know, but right to leave them at home go do outings. I like that idea. Okay heck Torrey Pines, we can go up to a potato chip rock we can yeah go fishing and biking. Yeah, I need to get a bike. Okay just start small because okay, you can go into you. Yes. Okay. I've seen you start a bunch of things where I get it you're creative and you have a lot of ideas off. They're good ideas, but I think with you got a piecemeal it and take it off in small chunks and prioritize. So if you're going to do that, like work at hydrate Pines we're going to do this a good already see it, but maybe just pick your one day a week for now and then it could turn into two days or just how about two days and seven days. You will take on day two and a seven something that okay or if it's even one week, but just start by doing we're going to do a 4-Hour committed family time out. Okay once a week. Okay? Yeah. Yeah and then see if you could do that and back to it. All right, and also instead of just didn't going in around you're also going to make an effort the parents to ask them more questions about stuff. Yeah, like how long do you feel about school what's going on? You know, they'll probably not tell you a whole lot, but maybe they will yeah, maybe picking a theme and cuz we don't go to church. We don't have the big sit-down lesson kind of thing. A family and we just rely on spur-of-the-moment times to do that, but maybe it needs to be a little more scheduled to have planned talks and themes and lessons you think well, I just take a deeper maybe take a deeper. If you're going to take a four hour day to go do something make sure there's talk time somewhere in there something. Yeah. Okay. Does that sound crazy you suck boom 1415 almost fifteen, sorry, 1514 and almost Fourteen and almost ten. Yeah, they ever if you give them more time and more connective space do they talk to you about stuff that's deeper. I think we're just such a jokey family and we all tease each other and it's all jokes jokes jokes and silly everything off know how much it comes up. But yeah, sometimes it's more one-on-one though. If I'm driving to be somewhere and we have a chunk of time things will come up, you know, like where do you think we go when we die or birth? Those kind of things and same with Charlotte although Charlotte likes the theme things around the dinner table like okay, let's go around and everybody says their favorite ride at Disneyland or where do you want to travel next? That's like me to take all the little conversation starters. Those are fun. But I think the real deep stuff is going to be one on one conversations because then the boys start teasing each other if I were to take both boys right knee try to do a birds and the bees talk with both of them. They would just never you know, they embarrass right in front of each other. Okay. Well, so well, maybe then on your family times it's more like general questions and whatever like we did it Toby's birthday of asking like whatever what you're going to do when you grow up. Yeah. I don't know just at some place in your life have a an area where they could talk about their feelings. Yeah. However, you can do that. I think you have safe space which we have official family meetings. Do you think that's a good thing for Thursday? For this kind of stuff like okay every Sunday. We're going to sit down at 10:00 and have a family meeting and it's just known that all right. It's a little more serious. We're going to talk about a little more of the real feel of things here.
00:25:02 - 00:30:02
Do you think that's a good idea? I don't think you guys would stick to it. I wonder I know I don't know. I don't know if it's as important to you to do that. Is it off you guys would have to want to yeah, I guess if we see things falling apart or something, I don't know. I mean we could we could try but like you said but things may be feeling overrated maybe know they're great. It's good. I like that too. And especially for boys, I think they need to be able to emote and feel safe, like you said. And I just don't know where young and where they put anything if they have no one to talk to about it. I mean, they're not going to call a friend at this age. So I don't know. Right. Right anyway, okay.
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So we have another one? Yeah. Okay. So we talked about nutrition food young kids, I guess household. What do you see that? I could do different running the house kind of just messes or chores or off. I think the kids could do a little more. Yeah work and cleaning up. I just see you always and I get it cuz you have to stay on top of them and that can become exhausting but like the dishes wage. With the dishwasher open for like two days when the kids are supposed to unload it, but it was like boys come do the dishes and then I would just sit but sometimes you would be accountable for it. Like right now get down here. I'm taking away your phone. Yeah, and it has to turn into a threat and anger and raised voice though, which I hate. Yeah. Yeah. Well or you could change that. I mean it takes you going up there and going hey, do you want to come to unload the dishes because if you don't I'm going to take your phone cuz there's a consequence for life when you don't do something. Yeah, which I do but most times I just yell upstairs cuz I'm in the middle of something else. But yeah, I mean, but I can do it real calmly like okay, if you're not down to do that, I'll take your phone just a proximity thing. Yeah, they have a big house folks. It takes a while to get upstairs text each other from downstairs to upstairs or call. It's ridiculous. Yeah God. Yeah. Okay. So I mean enforce the chores more we have that chore chart and then they get paid every Sunday ten dollars for allowance. And that's more for Toby and that was set up automatically to go into his little green light credit card, which is the parent controlled credit card to practice know as he doing what he's supposed to be doing to get that money. Well picking up the dog poop, which was not picked up song. All the downtown area and it's very fast and you have to get on them all the time, you know. Sorry guys, if you ever listen to this I am I think you need to pick up more do do but I know we're disappointed in your duty posts. Well, it has to happen before Monday before The Gardener's outcome. So that is kind of our that keeps us accountable for that. But let it pile up all we kind of it down there. Like they don't go down to the I made Elliot to the putting green you call the area. I know I used to call it the golf course and that sounded really pretentious. So yeah, it's the putting green. It's so stupid. It's just you know what we got? Okay, so chores what about messes and like how I do things you think I start like, I don't know I criticize myself because I I'll do all I gotta put away these groceries and then I get caught up doing something in the laundry room. And then so I never finished one thing. I'm always. Doing a big circle and I do a little bit a little bit a little bit as I move around have you noticed that and my distracted and I need to focus more on yes. Yes. Well, okay.
00:30:02 - 00:35:03
I also relate to this. It could be that we both have a gene or whatever or it's human nature. But I I have come to find that at least for myself prioritizing off and then knocking that one thing out from me. I've had to do it with everything though. I try to minimize. I have a small set of silverware. It was small so dishes everything's just bought a minimized and also with things to do. So, what's the priority? I mean in the time that I've been here. Here is what my sister like to accomplish first. It was very emphatic about starting a network and we're going to get lots of podcasters and she's going to create the next network on a radio. Can I give away this idea or no? I mean sure what I want to do really though is to get like-minded podcasts together because we're now worked with a ton of podcast which is great and wonderful, but a lot of them aren't true crime and we're not true crime. So it kind of doesn't make sense to like, I don't know we should probably share audiences. So I want to find a podcast that have the same audience first of all and I I thought what about all those Dr. Laura listeners that got dumped where do they go who all these am ladies who are listening to Dr. Laura? Who do they look up to now? Okay, there's not a lot of options so that I thought maybe we could go on the radio the a.m. radio. Okay and get that way that she's saying it mellow right now was not the way that she said it right when I woke up. I happy birthday. We have to start this idea. We have to get I mean don't you agree? We need to get these people and we gotta do this these things come to me in my dreams and they're very strong first thing in the morning like 7 a.m. And okay. So what drives me a little nuts only because I've had a whole past is that it's the talk talk talk talk talk about it. And then I go. Okay. Well what if you really need to do this and what are the steps are going to take and then but that's it's not you it's that worked with a million creative people that are like think we gotta have a movie with Brad Pitt. Yeah, and this one and then we should do this Brad. Did you hear that? We're going to movies and then and then I go. Okay. Well who's doesn't you guys have an idea for the script and they go. Well, let's just go have found any lunches with a million people and talk about talking about talking about. Yeah. Okay, what's the idea and who's going to sit down and work on it? And that's when you lose most people so I guess the same thing with you. What would you do you read off? To do this and then I did the research, right? So it was a lot of talk and I was excited. I was trying to get you on board with my exciting idea. And that's the other thing you keep trying to get me on board with your twenty million ideas. That was one idea. I know I finish your thought or know, what were my other ones you had that idea that was on Monday of three weeks ago. That was the number one priority in life. Was this AM station and I said, well then if you really want to do it I said I first of all I have to do other stuff but you can start researching how you get a hold of someone who knows about radio and then I say that lasted two. Oh, yeah, then I found out you have to buy all this equipment and actually build a radio tower and then go I'm very feasible. So that wasn't feasible and then okay so you got involved and it was a whole research rabbit hole and then your next idea was to create a whole new podcast, which was what was that? My garden thing. It was something else. It was a whole other idea and you were like Gillian we have to do this. We just need to Chrome. A new host then I went to the potfest conference online and I got all these great ideas and books and books. That's what it was. Now. It was writing a book on being a whole brand and like we have so many stories. Let's put them all together as books and it can all support each other can all swirl another good idea and I said, okay so what cuz you like writing and we have our movies and we have our screenplays and oh, yes, that was another one. There was a movie for a while still going to rain in fiction movie and then there was the podcast idea of writing taking each of these podcast stories or extrapolating and greeting to book audio dramas. Okay, but this all happened of course of a couple of weeks I get excited. I know and that's great and I love that excitement and we're going to build a studio and Dave a million. There was a studio being built and then it was you were oh that was it an audio engineer. She was going to become an audio engineer to them. Able to rent out space to broadcaster. I was just looking at what it takes to get a degree and oh there's a local school. You lost me. I'm a dreamer I should say but what happened to now all of a sudden, I'm sure they're still in there. But then well, yeah, but then you bring it back down and you go. Okay, what could we really do? And I really do like the the network idea and I really do like the books idea and blogging and redoing our website.
00:35:03 - 00:40:03
Just you know, okay, I mean in in the same yeah. Yeah, I think it's wonderful. Okay. Yep, but well, I guess it's make a list and make it attainable. Yeah and choose which one to start first and follow it through. Okay because you know, my friend Scott Baron who we all know and love. He nay be on this show. I don't know if we've interviewed him, but-- He won one of the Haiku prizes. So he actually sat down and spent probably two years marketing his sci-fi novels on Amazon and but he sat down and did the work. I would call and he wouldn't talk on the phone for eight hours a day. He sat down, he wrote, he did the marketing research himself, he did the advertising himself. And he hired artists and hired an editor and-- Yes, and now he's making a lot of money so it's great every month. Yeah selling his books and stuff. So yeah, that's what I see. The people who usually are just-- It's the work and the amount of time they spend. Yeah. And usually it's one idea.
But does he have three kids and drives a soccer car pool and is in charge of food and all this? And that's the other thing. I know. But that's so frustrating. I know you do all these things but I'm just saying-- That's even more-so-- I would really listen, to start with what you can accomplish in smaller chunks. Do you feel--- I can only be a blogger! No, it's out there I could do it. It's just-- Right, but it's hard. Also if you are trying to get other people behind it like me-- I'll just use me because I'm the only one that experienced it. I'm like, what are we excited about today? Because I didn't know like we gotta do this any kind of what can't you just you know, I'm here quit your job. We're doing I think it's been I've not had you right next to me for years, right? We've been doing this remotely and then you've been working on these crazy film jobs, and I only get you for like two hours at night when you're exhausted so I can never present projects. And now I'm finally like-- But I was the person who was doing this to you before. Yeah for years. I mean, yeah, my enthusiasm is what you have now for this. And now that my soul is dead. I can only do one thing. Yeah. She would tell me, "I just moved to LA and we can like do this thing together" and you know, I have kids. When Charlotte hits kindergarten and I have from 9 to 3 available, I can do more things with you. Which never happened. And I wanted to write a TV show and we had everything lined up and the connections, the people, the whole thing. It can still happen. I'm here. But remember now I want to leave LA and become a goat farmer! See? It's all timing you know.
I like ideas, but I also would choose one and keep it simple. Yeah, remember the documentary idea. Also some brains are better multitasking with many things. So maybe that works for you. I am a good kind of, yeah, a thousand fingers in a lot of buckets and try to bring people together doing all this. I will give you that. You're great at it, like this podcast. I would have probably given up on it in the third week. You took it for three years. No podfade over here! Yeah. It's cuz this one. No Mouse Podfade. That's why I'll give you great credit for following through things. Thank you. But maybe I see it as crazy and--
You know, I am a little manic right now. I'm in a manic phase. I'm excited about everything. I feel like I finally understand how everything works really and I can do it all. Yeah? Good. Kind of. Anyway, all right, so make a chain of all goals with with my query stuff and start shooting off. But then like how do you implement it bring it down? With lists? And you know, I was told this by a great theological playwright. I can't remember who it was but they were great. And it was like don't ever write small but write big and then you can always come up with a smaller idea to make that look bigger. You don't ever want to write it in a way where you're thinking of a budget I guess. Oh, okay. I just go--
My armpits go right in your face here. No, but I noticed your your bath towel has moved not Chubb sorg and tells the pressed ham tell okay, and I would become a vegetarian family and don't need as much meat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah bap. Food put more a plant protein in your life P protein. I just would need junkie meet ya and if you're going to eat meat I would buy all organic like grass nice thoughts and stuff that doesn't damage the Earth in the world and my snooty self would say downsize your car to put out less emissions. And guess what? I'm going to say what gas powered leaf blowers. I hire those pieces second and the leaf blowers.
00:40:03 - 00:45:15
She hates crazy floor. There were they were here for four hours. They came last week and we're here for four hours. They're blowing to twigs at home since last week for hours. Use. Did you see the big pile? Do you know the noise pollution that creates and the gas emissions and the terrible stuff for the ozone. Our climate is being destroyed ladies and gentlemen, have you noticed climate? We're not going to have an Earl anymore. But you had the model thing happened in L where they banned leaf blowers yet? No one enforces. Nobody enforces it. So they're still blowing them. No member and I would love to go right everyone a ticket myself and it's not the people you have an idea. Let's start a company where we write tickets free tickets off good or we just scared like a vigilante leaf blower. People are just like yeah, well be vigilant isn't really like tomb Raider's but with Super Soakers, but it's not their fault people who hire them sister, you know. All right. Okay, so we have to lay down the law why can't parents they'll be here for eight hours with a little rake then fine. Really? Yes. We have to pay for them ours, who cares you can see money. You have three kids. We have to send through college. Oh God. Are you kidding me? How much are you paying them? Right now? Let's it's a lot. It's a lot we pay this landscape result great took two away ask one to do a little broom. I've seen that there's nothing there. Right right. They're just blowing garbage in somebody else's yard anyway. This is true. Okay does blow around. Yes. This is all right. All right Lee Flores G. She's not so fired up cuz she's stressing over here. It's just she's getting she's spitting she took it really it really is crazy because you can hear it all the way down twenty or Thirty. Now you got a super bionic Wonder Woman ears that picks it up back to me. It's just background noise. I'm just it's like three way and being near your house or the airplanes going over. I don't even know how much peace here except for that and it happens every day from every there's a house. It's like going to lower your expectations. It's not that peaceful here. Oh, sorry. Okay. All right. So last subject of our talk here self know and relationship. Okay. She kind of did soft. Yeah more relationship stuff here a couple well because I'm here. I don't know what you guys would be like if I weren't here cuz you'd probably be spending more time together since we're spending more time doing home. And what not. So with you guys would you spend more time together if I weren't here? Yeah, but sometimes I do sit down while he's watching sports after work and I'll do podcast stuff and off so ever feel like it's disconnected or does it feel find you when it does start to feel disconnected I try to reconnect it and but sometimes he'll complain like well they weren't even you don't even care. You were just over there doing your thing. So yeah, and I do wonder if we're not modeling a great relationship sometimes if we're both off doing their own thing. Well, I don't see you guys fighting a lot. Would you fight more if I were here? No, that's how we are. We're pretty mellow you seem to kiss you'll do little kisses here and there and you we do kiss here and there and it does have hugs and you kiss each other. Goodbye. And you say I love you. I don't see any like real fights. Hm. The only thing I don't like is when people put off. Down there's a lot of teasing in this whole lot of teasing. I don't I think it's a fine line kids pick up on that and so they start to be like yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. This is my thing. Dave loves to make fun of me because I am a nerd I can't help it. I'm a nerdy dorky kind of mom lady. I do cringey things whatever. I'm the dad joke of the mom world and Dave calls me out on it left and right because he's so fancy with his humor and then the boys, especially the teenage boys are like, oh, okay. So that's what we do. So then when he goes off to work and I'm trying to lay down the law whatever Mom, it's the respect part of it. That's Jeff. So I think that But I mean I get it it's done. Okay, when we are four years old when I was four there was a tape of me and Dad. Do you know this one? I don't know. He was like my mom. He was taping cassette tape and then I just heard it very clearly there that he my mom had dropped dishes in the background. She was doing dishes and my dad was recording with me and then he goes off. Hey turkey quiet and the kitchen you're ruining our recording and I was like, yeah quite of the kitchen Turkey right Papa right paw paw. Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, I didn't understand the subtlety of whatever you know, he was going. Yeah, you're stupid, right? Yeah, and you're on the team against that yeah, and I think that's a that was sort of sad to hear em, then I wonder how that does affect you if you're like, I'm teaming up with this guy and we're against that person team mom team to have I know we used to be so good about that.
00:45:15 - 00:50:01
We even went to a seminar about you know being on the same team Always having a united front but it's tough because he is much more loose with the boys and like lets them kind of watch stuff. I wouldn't maybe let them watch. So we're having a little difference Master. What was it? I know these movies fun. So we're having a difference of opinion in parenting and instead of like on our talk to you over here behind the door and going off and talking about it things just kind of happen in the moment because it feels so rushed. I think every day all these free moments feel rushed cuz we're busy with school starting now. I don't know I'm making excuses for it there really is no excuse cuz we do need to get back on the same page and make that more of a thing. So do you think that's just a sitting down and talking as a couple and like recommitting change to say because counseling know I mean, I don't I don't know. I can't make that one time. I remember being like I don't like that, you know that thing was song. Name fit in you were like, well, I like it. That's just our sense of humor. So so you are more sensitive to it than I was maybe yeah, I was like, I would never be I wouldn't want someone to talk to me that way and I wouldn't want to say that and off and then you were like third moments. I have to admit. I mean, yeah, and it depends on my mood to some some days everything rolls off my back but other days I'm like, you know, what enough you know and all I remember those days. It's called PMS ladies and gentlemen, she's got it and it just happened and I was like, do you and you are so pretty but I get snippy. Yeah, like it was a long. Do you have low PMS right now? You're like, I don't think so, but it's not as aware as you but you were sniffing and it was like Oh, and it was I could tell ya I had my I don't need to talk about it anyway, but you did say that you're not self-aware like you don't you go. I don't notice that kind of stuff. I don't know. How do you not notice? It's interesting. I I, you know, I think of too busy to notice. I'm like jamming around all the time. That's what you said in your snippy moment. You're like, I'm not body aware like you are I'm just crazy. I was like, well, excuse me. That is that was mean I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. She gets old Aunt Flo talking. Yeah. It's very all right, so we're okay. We don't need a counselor from what you see God. Yeah. I mean if I want I would maybe just be aware of how you talk to each other from the kids cuz they are going to model it. Yeah, you don't want them to model. Yeah think about it and if you like it off, it's fine. Have you noticed the I'm just going to have a couple of pet peeves here Dave and his road rage you driving. Have you noticed that like how we can't sync. It's all men with some driving. Really? Okay this trip Dodge that one I worry about that cuz the boys are going to be drivers soon and every left and right is oh that guy over there museums around him and I'm like that too. Yeah you right back at you share this brain a little bit. Anyway. All right, that's just me ranting. Do you drive slow and you don't get the green lights? It drives me crazy. I do get the Greenlight. She'll just roll and I'm going to get the green. What's the hurry? We're out for a little stroll e Drive, there's no deadline. It's a Sunday we can get almost to the place. It drives me crazy when you're not you're just like if you just punched it a little you get through to the other side I do but, you know just right there, but it'll turn yellow and you stop you don't accelerate into a yellow I learn this mixture now you want to get your training master bath. Slow down and yellow swing not people right in does yellow light mean go faster go slow. What did you get faster to me? All right, let's go. All right, so I think you suck perfect. Yeah. Okay yourself. I was off self-care. This was my last area. See, I feel like I can one-on-one. I hate to think about I don't like to give advice on the whole big picture cuz I one person's opinion. But I think you have a great opinion. I like your life and I think you're very aware and woke and you have it's because I have so much time if my credit app and you talked to telling people so it's good. All right, so lay it on me. What is it self care self self stuff. Well, I do not see you do any like meditation a break or anything. That just is reflective. Yeah. Yeah, that's hard for me. I try at night. That's when I'm trying to fall asleep. I think about that stuff. That's good. Usually fall asleep. That's what I do. We need to get depressed.
00:50:01 - 00:55:05
Right? I don't think so. Don't owe. No, wait low battery. So clicking. I don't feel like I get depressed. I mean I might have a low day here and there but it's nothing major. Yeah, you don't get I mean, maybe it's overrated too long feel like let me ask you that. Okay, what do you feel you need to do? That's more caring to yourself that you might be not doing. I could be better on a beauty stuff. So I'd feel better about myself. I think like exercising more I hurt my foot and it's been hard to run around and stay active that way. So I'm excited. It's finally healed and we went running this morning and took out okay, but taking care of like exercise. I want to get back into a regimen with that. So I say it regime regiment regiment. Okay regime. Yep. Trump is on my head. On my head? In my head. Oh, I'm not sleeping a lot. That is one thing. I need to fix my insomnia. I wake up at 3 to 3 or 4 every morning and Thursday. It's like stress. It's telling you something. Okay. So, how do you fix your dreams though? It's like the bad dreams that wake me up. All right, but what do you think that? Why do you think that is? I'm sure it's all anxiety, but I don't-- Okay. So maybe you're saying I'm not conscious of it during the day. I need to take mindful moments to stop all my feelings and fix it. You can just see I don't know how to meditate no. No. No, I'm not. Okay. What do we do? What do you say? Okay do so if you're waking up, here's my guess but I could be wrong. Okay, like theory is that if you woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety, and I know what it is. It's usually about your kids. You haven't done enough for them or spend enough time with him or whole day went by and I forgot to check in with them about so many things at Birth. Yeah, so how would you solve that cuz you could you know all ask you what would work for you? Would you wake up in the morning and say higher wage or something my theories that if you get it outside of your control, everything is controlled controlled and so if you can go like whatever your concept is something outside yourself if its nature if it's something else. Yeah, let's see. What can I do? Is it to what would you like to what do you feel of your lacking for real? Is it the care to go? I abused myself too much. I need to change let go of my constant self abuse that I'm not doing good enough. Is it perfectionism that, the battle Yeah. So do you really feel like you are doing enough? No, I think I need to be more present with my kids this you know, what all the time I'm doing podcasting as much as I love it. I do feel guilty that I'm not the full time. Mom anymore that I always was okay until three years ago. So finding that balance of of working and being a mom is really hard for me. That's what really makes me feel guilty. So I think that's what's coming out subconsciously. So maybe just having those little five-minute moments during the day where you sit down and really connect with the kid and talk and help them with their homework and may have that small moment that would get into my brain as being like, okay good box checked we've connected so maybe I wonder and then I like the thing about the higher power and control always kind of getting things go to look you can't control everything things are out of control, but someone out there has got a plan the universe God, whatever you want to call it. Well, there's constant perfectionism. And you're stressed and you are doing enough. I think a lot of moms feel that way then it is about I mean your world is just all about you controlling it and wanting it to be perfect. So you could say It's Perfectly Imperfect and I give it up for some help but I think maybe there's a good if you were to consciously connect to that idea every morning when you wake up or something okay to then be able to say like take a breath and say I'm doing fine. I do the Grateful thing every morning. Really? Okay good faith are before I wake up and list out all the great things in life. And so things are going well. That's a good way to Stave off doesn't change me waking up at 3 in the morning though. So that's the one so what are your thoughts when you go to sleep that might alleviate you from waking up. Well, I'm just I'm switching from playing on my phone to reading which is still on my phone, but I changed the light to be black. So I'm hoping that wage. Activating on my here's what I do before bed. Okay, you want to get rid of every night? Yes. We're Freaky Friday. What would you do? Yes, okay. It's just help me that every night. I will write down the things. Yeah, I do it every night. Wow, I write down three things that I did that I'm happy with like three things that I did that I'm pleased with during the day.
00:55:05 - 00:59:29
So I did a five-minute meditation in the morning and I you know had a nice talk with my son. His name's Bill. I haven't told you about him. You're me. Yes. I sat in the sun and I spent a minute and I smelled the flowers and then one thing I could do better. And that's what I do every night. So I'll say I could exercise more. Okay, so that happens every night before bed? You say three good, one bad? Well that's for me specifically because I have a tendency to abuse myself for not doing enough also, but this could be for you too. I think most everybody does probably. So why don't you do the same thing? Okay if you can log-- You can even email it to me or someone else to be accountable for it. Really? Yeah. So the thing yeah. Oh I'm learning so much. So three things that you're proud of because a lot of times if you're self-absorbed have been or you think you haven't done enough, you will never acknowledge the good things that you've done in the day. Okay. I did talk to your daughter. You did sit down with stones or whatever. Okay, good good. I liked it off so morning and night. Okay, we've done it every day. Okay, I guess so. Well, look at what time it is? Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, that's great though. Those are very tangible things. All right, I'm going to check all these up put them in our show notes make this available for you guys too. And maybe we'll write our first blog article about it. Yes and get it out there double. I would love to hear from people out there. Right wouldn't you want to hear what other folks are struggling with or doing well with or if we're alone or if anyone's feeling the same way we are and by we I mean me a job. Cuz you've got it together. No know who does nobody does today. It was getting snooty. But also in the moment when you feeling a little bit Snoop filled, I went back in the bathroom and I just had to sit for a minute and just breathe. I don't know if it helped though sometimes, you know, sometimes the mirror to run around the block takes over, right? Yeah, there's the exercise thing get those endorphins going off the rear. All right. Well, you can find us everybody at my house in Wayne, That's the main Hub. And from there all the social media. Everything is at Mouse and weans spell it all out. We have a patreon. Thank you so much to our patrons. Currently. We have a new Patron Carla. Thank you, We're so happy there. I know and life support team is is deep. So we we have Jody and Benjamin Benjamin Alexander Oh, I thought we had a Benjamin also and is there a Benjamin I don't think so dead. I think you're mixing up your president's I think it's a or Euro Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Franklin constructing. I've never had a big finally watch Hamilton folks. It was it was good. Well, you know what, I think about that. She just flashed God we go so far. We're cleaning up our ass and fall back in the gutter. Anyway, thank you patrons. So often they are getting these episodes commercial free from your $5 a month. They get a swag bag and they get the shout outs and we will help promote if they have any small businesses page will pop in commercials here and there they get their own special song. They get their own special phone call. So there's lots of connections and we hope that you guys think about going to patreon.com Mouse and leans also anything else. We're on YouTube on Tik Tok. I don't know Tik Tok. Yeah. Well, we have a couple of videos, but we're going to start going over there. We're going to try it out as off. Where we little Channel? Yeah, why not? I went to this conference. I have all these like ideas. All right. All right. Thank you folks. We love you and hope you're doing well.
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